| | I've been MIA on this blog for quite a while but I haven't forgotten about it. Actually, I think about it a lot. I visit it often, reread old entries, and wonder what's in store for a future entry. I also wonder why I don't blog very often. Even though I have things to say, things that I want to write down, I find, perhaps, this is not the place to do it. Well, that's not entirely true. In a sense, a blog is a perfect place to write down feelings, thoughts, musings and just vent about life, about frustrations, about things you can't just tell anyone. The problem is that a blog has to be somewhat anonymous for that. At least anonymous enough so that random people don't know it's you. Perhaps your friends do, the ones you have chosen to share this place with, or perhaps they don't.
Of course, that itself is a double-edged sword. The purpose of a blog is, at some level, to share feelings with the world but if no one knows about your blog, have you really shared anything with anyone? The fine line between anonymity and full-blown disclosure I think is actually quite hard to tread. I am "anonymous" to everyone who doesn't know me -- just a girl writing about her life. But since the blog bears my name and I share pictures on it, anyone who knows me can easily decipher who is behind the screen. For all intents and purposes, there is nothing wrong with that. But, I do feel that it limits what I blog about -- I have many times come to the empty screen, full of thoughts and found myself unable to write. I start thinking -- "Who is reading this? What will they think about me? I can't just say that -- what if they know what situation I'm talking about?" Should that matter to me? I would like to say no but unfortunately it does. The things I want to share sometimes leave me feeling vulnerable. And to me, it is more ok to be vulnerable to strangers than to people I know who might confront me in person and say "Are you ok? Do you want to talk?" Of course I don't want to talk about it! That's why I'm hiding behind these words -- I write them down so that I don't have to talk and share and dialogue about my why's and how's. And the last thing I really want is advice actually. This is my cheap therapy -- I want you to listen, to understand, to nod in agreement or shake your head in disapproval. Sure, leave a comment, tell me how you feel about it. But, I don't want that burden of listening to advice that I'm not going to take.
And perhaps, this is not the place for that type of therapy. As my friends and family are reading this blog, there is a sense of limitation. What should I not say? Where should I draw the line? And as soon as I start drawing lines, the potential, the purpose of this blog no longer remains true. So this might be it folks, the end of my public confession. I would love to blog again and I will, maybe even more than I ever have before. But, I'm afraid, it will not be that easy to find.
Thanks for reading.
|
| | Posted 1/24/2008 10:29 AM - 210 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
